"my umi said shine your light on the world, shine you light for the world to see."

drums pounding, pulling, pulling the body to move. it is not a matter of choice when the beat hits. the feet, bare feet, slide or stomp over the dirty bar floor. "will you teach me how to dance." i cannot teach you how to dance i can only tell you not to think and just listen. take your shoes off, that helps alot too. so many faces that know me and are happy to see me. We cannot speak but i see the smile and more so feel the happiness of a hug given, although we have only met once. i hear what they play. they see i hear and feel it in true apprecaition. all artists love to be appreciated. she smiles, "it is my friends birthday." i know Taka, he has seen me before, he says he came back to watch me dance. give me your hand then you can watch better how i move my feet. the most important thing is never to stop smiling. you cannot dance when your not smiling.

"memories dont live like people do, they always remeber you whether things are good or bad."

you seem broken, you place your best days behind you. as now you just seem to sit and wait for the world to change around you into something you can love again. don't kill yourself when you are so young. thank you though, as you have taken me to a man who removes the worry. i had not been feeling it but it is always good to have such medicine sitting in the back of the closet incase the headache comes back. playing the citar and wandering. i want to play the flute and i like to wander. we both want to ride horses where others only think of cars.

"I asked if you all feel me and the crowd left me standing."

then sitting and waiting. then standing and going. when will my vision clear again. beer after beer, shot after shot put in front of me. cars being blown up left and right. i said i was lucky, i am sure i will come upon other windfall so this one is yours. fate comes back around on me, this i had been told i would love it. liquid golden fire that you can taste the smoke of. such a fine fine taste. japanese, not what would be expected. you keep saying i am more interesting, you like me better. i can only sink this yellow submarine faster because baijiu has burned out my throat. if you can drink baijiu you can drink anything. The feeling of lightness is brought on quickly when that many glasses are placed in front of you in so short a time. i would love to stay and watch football with you, but we must be going. i am sorry that i will not be seeing you again and can only wish you the best in what you do. the only memories i will have of you are ones formed through this haze, but that makes them what they are and this what it is.

"in she came with the same type game, the type of girl give out the fake cell phone and name."

The steps shake as we walk down them. The men all around make me feel like something hanging in a meat market, ladies i know what it feels like. But the beat drops, and i find those eyes through the crowd. i did not expect to find eyes like that here. hips that can move, god i miss that more than anything else. i love this fire. coy is fun, but so is honest passion. grab me and pull me closer. i don't speak japanese or portugese, but it doesn't matter words are not needed for us to talk so long as there is music. i'm glad you came here now and i can tell you are glad i came too. a beautiful girl, full of tropical fire in a room of guys who wouldn't bother looking.

it all comes in, and you can swim around. blowing small jets of water into the air. but you know, you know the whole time that you will have to move on. this water may run over you again, changed, because things never stay the same, or you may never see it again. i fell in love 3 times last night, and once more this morning over breakfast, wait make that twice. we stand and walk out into the street. not wanting to see it as most others do we buy more to drink thinking this the best choice by far as we stand and watch them all walk by. everyone moves around so quickly, while i can only smile and laugh. samurai stop me in the street to have conversations i cannot understand. beautiful girls make the scenery so much better. we dance down streets, sometimes trying to talk to the clouds over head. i don't want to buy anything, we just want to watch beauty and let it know that someone is noticing. if she didn't have a boyfriend, if she didn't either. my future wife teaches me the japanese that i can practice today. ai shitteru yo, dokokade echi shiho. plaid umbrella flapping in the wind. But i stop them, running through the cars, the police and elder japanese struck with horror. run and jump over the green wall to stop in an instant, head bowed before the stone column, white angles flapping in the wind. you must wash your hands and rinse your mouth first. with quietude ascend the steps. collect your thoughts, head lowered twice followed by the two piercing claps, lower your head once more. slowly turn, hands respectfully held as you walk out with a mind calm and poised. step through the gate and again the chaos can resume. lets keep running.

Overtime, sitting there eating pizza from a cone. I want to fuck her and her me, but neither of us is willing. She wants to find someone else for me. We all go to see what can be found next. He walks first and i follow, again putting all i know into a bag. not thinking, as i have come to learn one can never do, what this means. She waits and walks with me, giving me time to learn that we should probably get married, it would be best for both of us. We laugh at the idea, because i'm right, there is just nothing to be done about it. I'll be honest... "I'm not like that." No worries, i meant no offense. one more drink, as she asks me where i came from. The decides she has changed her mind. Again less than coy becomes fun, no time to walk back but i can enjoy this bar for one last time. Sonic grabbing rings in the background. worlds smashing as this reality is about to be stripped off and thrown behind in the pursuit of a new one. You get used to it, because you learn not to think.



"Blasted holes in the night till it bled sunshine."



And we ride on. drinking more as the scenery hurtles by, talking with those we haven't met, from places we have never been. i remember nothing that was said. i know they loved metal music as we shared what we could continuing on. when will we arrive and where are we going. none of it has come to matter because i move more than i sit now. sitting can be enjoyed but i know it dulls me, i had come to feel so dull sitting there for so long and now sitting for even a moment now makes me just long for my feet to be moving again.
And walking, no being led to places where the watch dogs will sniff and maybe let me pass. maybe grant me a chance to return home. vision to clouded from days of drink and lack of sleep to see what is before me. good thing chilhood friends can be found anywhere when needed. they seem to have sniffed my crotch enough before so now they just ask for some papers. walking and talking but not knowing what i am saying. colors flash by, i can only assume they are caused by people and scenery but care to little to try and tell.
sleeping, then waiting. waiting for the voice to come. heard so many times, but this time an anxiety to hear it again that cannot be expressed. but calm, so calm. watching beauty come in. she asks again and again with bated excitment, searching for the face she does not know, of the man she is not familiar with but cannot wait to meet. a joy that makes me love her. and the beat drops. a man enters hidden behind a mask but i know his face. and behind him he trails a truth which forces me to stand. to smile without reserve. others i see dance because they want to and know they should. there is no such luxury for me i simply must. one cannot swim against a tidal wave and i would not want to anyway.
and so quickly it has all ended. i am not suprised, this is not the first and will not be the last time. the feeling doesn't even come. i just now it is there because i see it comeing from there eyes. a warm hug, a heartfelt thanks and it is gone or if not gone at least left for now.

"I start to think and then i sink into the paper like i was ink."

Flying on trains

Always sleeping in late. Late nights working, finding new faces, hearing new storiesthough often being brought back to the same place. The work can leave me exhausted. Maybe the constant haze. Fog, smog blocking out light that would pull me to my feet. It is probably the girl. Hand resting on my chest, my stomach. Hair tickling my nose or just filling it with that scent that all women have, but none have in common. Not the one i want, but exactly what i was looking for. . Everyday, whether she has gone to work or decided to stay home to help me with mine. I lay and breathe deeply in bed not know when i may force my legs to move,
Come to the party, here is a flyer
Just trying to snage some girls, maybe help Li Kui get laid too. My eyes are drawn to her lips. I can`t help but think what they are great for. And then finding myself lying in ecstasy far away from where it started. Not know how i got to where i am, remembering roads but unable to see how it all ended up fitting together. Hand grabbing here hair as i lay back flooded with current ecstasy, but with the past screaming at the back of my mind. It doesn`t seem real like that long nights dream that pulled me through till dawn, a dream found in a storm. It has been so long, it shouldn`t feel strange but still does. The hip-hop queen in a city i love. First lust i have really felt not brought on by perfect lips and breasts and eyes that beckon. Although not lacking, they do not make me want this girl as much as her spirit.
Pushing through every car on the train i know not what to do. They sit me down, give me a secured place of honor while driving others off. What if anything can i, should i do.
No more dao, all gone in smoke, So satisfying sitting amongst the uniforms, chatting with them, blowing rings of smoke to mingle with their cigarettes. My american tobacco, my kung fu, the lao wai sitting and meditating, always smiling.
What do all these things mean. What purpose or goal these thoughts, these wonderings. What should i be trying to do, what can i hope to accomplish. Things seemed much clearer with the Jester and Dean Moriarty. The dancing chaso seemed as if we were being pulled along by something, seemed as if we had heard a grand song and begun dancing to it without knowing. Have i lost the tune or is this just what happens when you changes instruments to zithers and turntables. I hope i have not strayed and become lost. Its hard to tell, what would this even mean. I never knew where i was headed, but always assumed i could fall off the path somehow. More and more ink sacrificed to pages. Letting vent to thoughts i should not bother with. I thought i would feel different, i thought i was supposed to be changed. Maybe i have, but have not noticed. My memory is so filled with a jumble of long gazes int the mirror without ever knowing what i have seen. Maybe watching yourself is like watching a dog grow, you only notice when you leave and then come back. It is much harder to leave myself, but maybe i can just stop caring.
Don`t know what the hell i am doing. What i am chasing. Give me pretty girls and loud hip-hop parties, quite contemplation leading to sudden enlightenment. Give me constant change and comfort wherever i go. Somehow i am able to find them all. Torn apart of being pulled together.
Thick fragrant clouds. They do not obscure but further draw out the eyes, the gentles smile of the still one. Pink petals grow at his unmoving feet. Movement in the stillness. A movement which can spread over all. Embracing with the pure shinning eyes. Her eyes shine too, set also in a soft white face, rounded and beautiful. Her heart holds the some loves, but here mouth professes it with different words. Beauty found searching for maps. It grabs you by the ankles and pulls you along never bothering to ask where you may have thought to go, simply taking you to a new place.

Chengdu has the best tofu

The beard spoke true through the scented air. The cow carries much luck on its broad shoulders. What i have been looking for leaping forward to meet me. The air heavy and clouded, perpetual fog. Obscuring, hiding what lies in waiting. She spoke rightly. Beauty is often hidden in such mist. She did not know but she was also speaking of this place. New rabbits to meet. This one has had more time to collect bunnies. He appreciates my presence, but i doubt if he understands just how much he can do for me. How much i have been seeking him, but not having known where to go. And i find them. All of them, sitting waiting for me. Steeled eyes gazing forward. They have sat here for so long while always still dancing in the skies. Dancing in my head and heart. I went ot sit at Lu`s feet. I touched my head to the ground and i could only laugh out loud as i starred at all of their golden or bronze faces. All of them only made me laugh, too much joy in my heart bursting out. Before Wenshu`s stable gaze i was calmed like still water. People will think i am just crazy and eccentric leaving the band of my kungfu brother at Lu`s feet. Asking him for help between bursts of a dancing lotus escaping. Today my feet moved smoother, my blade turned steadier. He once sat in those halls. Maybe he still does as a spider, or monk, or old woman resting on a bench or maybe he just still hears the echos in its halls, but i think, a feeling which had been slipping only to be pulled back, that he may have listened and agreed to send me a boon.
"Do you like Sun Wukon or Lu Dongbin better?" I sit and think, holding the fluted glass. No bubbles or frozen insects in this glass of amber. The king of monkeys. Lu is shining steel, purity and ordered good. Monkey causes trouble. Right now i would rather be a blazing fire, leaping water, or a raging wind. Maybe all at once. There is a great time for treading a shining path. now i think trouble is more fun. Sao, i know what this means. She says and explains it with disdain. I disagree, sao can be fun. Eyes peeking out from beneath the brim. It has been a while since i have seen eyes like that. Lips and eyes and breasts that give nothing but lust, long since i have felt that. Sly smiles interchanged, sao. Sao could be fun.
A desert wind with soaring dragon and phoenix clouds. Sun setting, chaning to a sea of blazing water. Joy boiling up again, so much.
Visions in my head as lights dance before me. So many beautiful girls so many interesting faces. What was hated has become oh so loved. Get lost in endless fields or in soaring lights.

Running on ice you can't stop

Many strange things seen today. Deep valleys hiding dragons only to come screaming out when you calmly turn to look. An ancient god stands silently looking on. They sit to smoke under it. I stop to sing with a voice borrowed from its brother. I want to run on rooves. Sprint and leap, only then i think will it be able to be done. I went to live with monks. They taught me, taught me more than just how to move like the bobbing mantis, to flash like green lightning. They taught me the pain, the effort, the benefit. In dark rooms filled with smoke or sitting on velvet, mech battles raging behind room still full of smoke or sitting beer in hand kanye blasting, room still full of smoke. so much time wasted, but so much gained from the wasting of it. you were right. i don't mean to, i don't want to, its what i try hardest to avoid but i keep leaving trails of broken hearts. any advice on how i can stop? things seem to change in an instant. my eyes open to look around. white rabbits of luck sit along my path. temples call out to me as i got past. they take pictures. they look and ask questions, so full of curiosity. i just smile back head lost in clouds as i tear through pages from the past. stories to inspire. driving me on and showing me new faces in the mountains. i've been chasing stories all along and now want more than ever to be working on my own. riding again, pulling myself on to a new start. in mountains of draped velvet i see faces of those who i laughed with before. faces from so many times and places.i'm beginning to understand what i am doing here. where my eyes are supposed to be turned and my feet placed.

"The story tells how Pig leaptdown the mountainside and found a narrow path. After following it for nearly two miles he came across two she-monsters drawing water from a well. How did he know that they both were monsters? Each of them had on her head and extremely unfashionable hair-style held up by bamboo slivers that stood one foot two or three incheshigh." Chinese literature has taught me, beware those with bad haircuts.

I find it more and more diffucult to write and even talk in what i imagine you are refering to as a lucid way after what i can best refer to as my suicidally romantic psychotic break, but its a hell of alot of fun.
i have found the best way to help others for me has been the wandering monk. i don't have much to give but whatever i have i give to help whoever i run across. didn't know what the hell i was doing for a long time. last night i came to realize a travelling monk really is the closest thing. driving on through night, trying my best to reach chengdu for chinese new year. stopped for a bowl of dofu and cabbage soup, desperatly needed to warm me up and give me some energy. i ate only a bowl of noodles that morning, which i got for free as well as a complimentory orange (don't know if its the novelty of a foreigner in backwoods china, which usually just gets extravagent attempts at price hiking, my usually bedraggled appearance when traveling, the kungfu sword on my back, requests for vegetarian food because of being a taoist/buddhist and chinese classic in hand, or, as most people tell me, my claimed good looks, but i get alot of free shit.) i was taught the chinese word for firecracker "huo pa" by a little chinese boy as i looked up at the grey night sky, smoked a spliff (not everything has changed) while waiting for my soup. while reading over my soup i talked to the family of the restaurant about sun wu kong the monkey king. they told me to drive safely as i left. "the next city is 27 kilometers. (people in china have an unbelievable knowledge of local and national travel distances and directions) but be careful it is cold." cold but not that cold, i have come so far already, what is a little further. driving on and suddenly fog, lights come and all is a glare of shining crystals. I pull over. ice, everywhere, on my visor my jacket, in the air. i can only go on, slowly, slowly. stopping, not stopping, leaning, swerving, sliding. i watch the crystals on the grass glide past as i am pulled along the ice coated road beneath my bike. all is dark, and i slowly come to a stop. pulling myself out from under the bike i lift it back up thinking only of getting the light back on. it is dark, and beatiful, and i hate to see it go but i know i still have farther to walk and any trucks will have a hard time stopping too. walking along the side of the road. thinking to myself i have no idea how far 27 kilometers is but i know it is something i will never forget. walking on i see light up ahead. the light and my feet are the only things i can see. i walk towards the light, a small house. lights on and smoke coming from under the door. please. there is too much ice, it is too cold. "come sit by the fire." more people come pooring in filling the dirty concrete floor as we crouch around the fire. dirty faces of farmers. a minority group, the yi i find out. then clean new winter jackets and lighter faces. researchers here to study and yi minority family. i am going to chengdu. i sit there thumbing over my prayer beads for the first time in a while. to warm my thumbs and just as comfort. they remind me of those who last gave me shelter when the heavens turned against me. the fire spits angrily as the cured pork rib is thrown on. as it boils i can only look at the faces, the young and the old are my favorite. looking into the eyes of the old i can only think of all they have seen, what changes they witnesed in their lifetimes. and i think, especially with people such as these, how little their steps have changed since when they were children. they young have a blazing fire in their eyes, where the old have the warm glow of embers. as i lay, cold in bed, in a room full of kindling, staring at all that potential heat which was of no use to me, i did not care. i loved all of it as i lie there reading of the trials sanzang faced as he traveled west. and i could only think that things such as this were not trials in anyway but rather the best parts of my journey. i could only think of myself as a travelling monk. relying on the kindness and generosity of others for the most important things in my travel. and where ever i go i do all i can to help whoever i meet when i can. i can never do much but people in general seem to be happy when i come and sad when i go so i have hope that i am doing some good. living by karma. my face is suburned today from walking my bike down the mountain past the ice line. i spent the morning walking around in the families grazing fields seeing for the first time what lay in teh darkness around me last night. walking down past the first overturned truck i gave the kid my 10 pence piece an english friend from guangzhou had given me. i couldn't show him any kungfu as i would have just fallen on my ass, jumping kicks and ice dont mix. a truck pulls over and offers to drive me and my bike to the next city just as i pass the ice line, no use now. i still have some good karma left over from last night, but not that much. a wandering monk, doing my best to live off of good will. i am trying to change to a classic chinese kungfu hero, maybe once i get my swords.

Leaving a trail of smoke

A world born from a lotus blossom risen slowly out of the water can be no more captured in words than the moon caught by a puddle.Ordered shores cannot help to capture breathless beauty, so perhaps it is better to let the water flow so that the reflections may dance on it.
Mist clinging, not hiding beauty, drawing eyes further in. Softening so as to capture. A cloud passing over the moon, makes it seem all the brighter. Quitely hidden behind a grand surface seen before, a beauty, breathing deeply, deeply and calmly. Korea i feel i have seen before. Missing it at first only to see the trees and rocks in the mist after the eyes had a moment to settle. Mist sitting in your eyes. I will go, i have come, i want to go back
Guan yu sits in pure white jade against my heart. Filling each breath with the flashing blade, the turning hand, the sure foot, but most of all with brotherhood, commitment and devotion. Standing amongst the cherry blossoms, taking my oath eyes turned to the sky, the string of heart holds him in his place. I have my protection for the new year. A cow happily wearing his yoke.
It will begin, the bald head and white beard told me through the incensed air. Eyes not fixed, not wandering and so i believe him. Luck, stars aligning, Pluto comes to open the gate so that all may come out, all hidden shown light. I want to go. I have tried, feet moving. But each time it only ends up being a dance. Soon, soon i will run though, said so many times before, but now a place i know to run to. Now, now i will start to learn to run on roofs. I want to see snow on the forbidden city. I want to watch metal, change to water giving birth to green and red and blue. Frozen butterflies. But long roads left to take, names know with faces yet to see and the circling step. How i long to walk in circles, making sinews like steel and moving the breath as you will. Walking in circles one can go very high, but it does not get you anywhere. And steel to forge, to carry new hearts with me. But quickly quickly i want to run, so learn i will.
i sit in dali, sitting here for a month and a half now smoking a joint in a japanese hippie bar. i want to go now, i will. i've fallen in love with korea without ever seeing it before. it has been hitting me in waves, wave after wave now. it is strange to think how many lives we go through. how many homes we find. leaving them only to find new ones and never knowing which ones me may return to. we can guess, we can want only one so badly at times willing to give up all those we have seen and may yet to go back or to stay. sometimes we can't go back, sometimes we choose to leave. its funny how sometimes the places we forgot about so quickly come back with the passing of a cloud and appear, maybe for the first time, as our only sun. then the question comes. do you try to run back or just keeping running forward, letting that sun warm our back till we find anew one to face. life seems strange and clear.
i've left but what have i left behind. what will i find where i go next. roads forgotten only to be remembered

Lotus Feet

"Burn through me like blue neon."
crazy beautiful. Dark corner made darker. Music blarring, faces swirl in the smoke. "Lock me up, leave me alone, I don't like people." Here you are angry because you are not alone. You hate them all; their noise, their smell. "Lock me in a cell so i never have to leave, never have to hear their noise." Hating others why did you come? Why did you leave your cell, to come find me? "I have my pets." "Dungeons are good because you can lick bars." Sex, sex, sex. But a single touch and you recoil. Alone and erotic. "I hate sex." You hate and love it because it hurt you. Taken, used when you stepped outside your door. And now, in the dark for so long, you long for the sun but can think only that it will burn you. Crazy beautiful, you don't want to be alone, you just keep getting hurt when your not.
"Floating lotus"
"Flying lotus"
"Butterflies, 1000 into my chest. Blue. Unusual."
But to what purpose disturbing the dust on a bowel of rose leaves. Smash the bowl and maybe the leaves will again become a flower.
"I hate all,
cuz they r pollution to Me."
Pollution can be flushed out. Run through clear water and don't hold to dirt with hate.
"Lotus?"
Lotuses must open to the sun for the world to be created.
".....U r always smiling :)"
I gave up on worrying about the reasons that make you frown
Feet splash down the gutter. "Is it clean?" Oh yes, don't worry, don't fear just walk and splash. "Can I be blindfolded?" Yes, i will take your arm. Steps so tentative. I promise not to walk you into danger. Take my hand. I know not where i go, but maybe in my going i can show you lovely places to sit. I was trying to fuck you, but now i just want to help a fragile hand slapped too many times to once more open a door and step out..
Footfalls echo, echo, echo and splash. Has your pain set you running back to a cave. Footfalls echo.
"Joy is too wanton."
Play the lute and scream at trees.
"So I'm the elf in the tree, scream to me a lullaby."
Eyes so wide, showing pain for any to see. Wider, wider, opening a world deep and dark. I can look in, i can become lost and frightened. Maybe come to understand, but not know. Kittens and children's smiling faces. Music and joy. Painting, stopping, laughing. A smile brought to a face too long hidden, too long turned down, turned away. But shattered, a strange but warmer world turned too strange.
"Why I like staying with U?"
Because i have tried to give to you rather than take. To help rather than hurt.
"No one ever treat me so nice."
And the fear comes back, crashing in like night when day is suddenly torn away. Darker, darker, darker. That scream, that yell of endless tormentors come back, leering at you from the faces of those who seemed friends.
struggling, stumbling back the fear grows an grows. Locking yourself in a dark cell. Torturing yourself as those behind your eyes return to toture you. Curse and spit at me. Cry and vomit. Still i will stay, still i will hold your hand to steady you as those dark winds swirl in your mind. You love her because she did not hurt you as they did. But hate, hate also so strong. She pulled you from the dragons lair, only to leave you standing cold and alone as if you had not survived, as if this broken battered girl had not been strong enough, had breathed her last breath. But too strong you were.
Fighting dogs with wailing harps.
And so thinner and thinner you became. A skeleton left to walk amongst the wastes. And they came in droves, in numbers, the jackals and vultures. Dark eyes peering out from and already dark wilderness. When your pain became too great, your cries too loud for them to block out they sent you away, sent you to a hell they thought you wouldn't make it back from. Green squares, green glasses you screamed into the mirror. Rape, Rape, Rape. They did not take the hurt away, they did not pull you from your mind. They brought it out, they tortured your body with the same horrors that had tortured your mind. And so i held my hand out to you. Not to pull you closer to a face full of fangs like so many, like all the, others, but instead to show you a light touch. Like a hand finding rest on a trees bark warmed by the sun, staying, to rest a wearied body, a wearied heart. And as you were dragged back through that darkness the hand stayed there, steady, so the body did not fall, did not break. And so a lotus rose from the red waters. Calming the roiling sea. And as you looked on the petals unfolded showing to you a new world of light and golden fields. Shifting patterns cast on soft moss made by gently swaying leaves.
Rains coming and going. Rivers surge so travelers know not what path to take.
"don't travel. Backhome!"
But home is where feet travel and sakura are found.
"cosy home."
Sun on yout face grass under your back, what more could be wanted than the company of the wind?
"Sakura in the wind."
Snow comes warm and light.
"I'm lying in the snow a red apple in my right palm. Close my eyes. Sticking out my tongue tasting snowflakes."
Light footfalls in the snow, a cloud passes glowing gold.
Eyes opening once again to see a world outside your terror. It swated and bent slowly settling back in. But through it you came to see something. The fears were old, the terrors brought back, but no, something new had risen up, emerged from that dark swirling. A gentle hand. Kindness had been there when it never was before. And eyes opening, the face which had changed from hated love to tormenting demon, to steady guiding hand setteled. It setteled, finding a place, no making a new one where all the gap had been sealed up tight, in your heart. And so, being given kindness made you feel you had come to find love. Clinging, wanting, holding, desperate for the unknown warmth not to leave you tied these feelings, the comfort of a gentle touch, the safety of a true smile, to a face. But kindness has no face, giving no constant body. They come to those who are open. Often like a warm breeze when a chill has setteled all around. Unexpected, maybe even a little startling, but always welcome. Giving the mind and heart a moment of respite from whatever struggles and hardships may have held it down. But too close, too close i fear you have come to tie a face to this feeling. Believing that light comes from angels, even those with just one wing, sent down to save rather than rising with the lotus as the waters inside us calm. And i fear your turning of a simple wanderer into a golden knight may have blinded you to words and visions of truth.

Then a cloud passed and the pool was empty
Go said the bird, for the leaves were full of children,
Hidden excitedly containing laughter.
Go, go, go said the bird: humankind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

And i thought of you, when darkness screamed, when clouds broke through. Crazy beautiful, art and eros. Footfalls echoing in my own hallways. She looked up at me wondering what could make an angel cry. Not an angel just someone made light enough to be blown about, nothing had so nothing held. Ties cut so winds can lift. And sometimes, carrying you back through trees full of old voices, the wind can cry with shadows of what was lost. I thought of you and even while darkness gathered sunshine still broke through
and
i
never
stopped
smiling

I find what you have to say very interesting

"That's just what we need: a barefoot viking motherfucking looking dude with a sword."
Stopping, waiting, pausing. Was it giving in or listening to the wind. The dao doesn't fit into numbers it doesn't argue and fight, it sits and contemplates the lilies or dances along the waters surface singing at the dying world. Tapping, tapping, tapping lotuses and jade pendants. Pain no pain. Words flowing past. Past time future time, only the present now. No halls of memory to run down only words, words passed before my eyes and tapping scratching. Broken jade, then cloud-like hair. Where did it begin, where will it end, thoughts questions not in the mind. The lonely pond, the appeal to Krishna. I slayed you with my words coming to yout world to play with numbers and reasons. But in doing so i gave up my heart the willows and the lotus. A battle lost more than you can know although you don't know. Charming spinning, winning this one no i don't want that i will move to and run with the next. Nothing wanted, take give. A wonderland found, not missed but found, yes i will stay to play but only for a little while. I have found a world of clouds and dragons.
Tell me stories, I want the ones that make dreams come out of your eyes. That your heart pulls up from your feet with scents and sounds. I want you to make the back walls blur as you pull with so much, with all you have. Give them, share them let me look.