Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"my umi said shine your light on the world, shine you light for the world to see."

drums pounding, pulling, pulling the body to move. it is not a matter of choice when the beat hits. the feet, bare feet, slide or stomp over the dirty bar floor. "will you teach me how to dance." i cannot teach you how to dance i can only tell you not to think and just listen. take your shoes off, that helps alot too. so many faces that know me and are happy to see me. We cannot speak but i see the smile and more so feel the happiness of a hug given, although we have only met once. i hear what they play. they see i hear and feel it in true apprecaition. all artists love to be appreciated. she smiles, "it is my friends birthday." i know Taka, he has seen me before, he says he came back to watch me dance. give me your hand then you can watch better how i move my feet. the most important thing is never to stop smiling. you cannot dance when your not smiling.

"memories dont live like people do, they always remeber you whether things are good or bad."

you seem broken, you place your best days behind you. as now you just seem to sit and wait for the world to change around you into something you can love again. don't kill yourself when you are so young. thank you though, as you have taken me to a man who removes the worry. i had not been feeling it but it is always good to have such medicine sitting in the back of the closet incase the headache comes back. playing the citar and wandering. i want to play the flute and i like to wander. we both want to ride horses where others only think of cars.

"I asked if you all feel me and the crowd left me standing."

then sitting and waiting. then standing and going. when will my vision clear again. beer after beer, shot after shot put in front of me. cars being blown up left and right. i said i was lucky, i am sure i will come upon other windfall so this one is yours. fate comes back around on me, this i had been told i would love it. liquid golden fire that you can taste the smoke of. such a fine fine taste. japanese, not what would be expected. you keep saying i am more interesting, you like me better. i can only sink this yellow submarine faster because baijiu has burned out my throat. if you can drink baijiu you can drink anything. The feeling of lightness is brought on quickly when that many glasses are placed in front of you in so short a time. i would love to stay and watch football with you, but we must be going. i am sorry that i will not be seeing you again and can only wish you the best in what you do. the only memories i will have of you are ones formed through this haze, but that makes them what they are and this what it is.

"in she came with the same type game, the type of girl give out the fake cell phone and name."

The steps shake as we walk down them. The men all around make me feel like something hanging in a meat market, ladies i know what it feels like. But the beat drops, and i find those eyes through the crowd. i did not expect to find eyes like that here. hips that can move, god i miss that more than anything else. i love this fire. coy is fun, but so is honest passion. grab me and pull me closer. i don't speak japanese or portugese, but it doesn't matter words are not needed for us to talk so long as there is music. i'm glad you came here now and i can tell you are glad i came too. a beautiful girl, full of tropical fire in a room of guys who wouldn't bother looking.
it all comes in, and you can swim around. blowing small jets of water into the air. but you know, you know the whole time that you will have to move on. this water may run over you again, changed, because things never stay the same, or you may never see it again. i fell in love 3 times last night, and once more this morning over breakfast, wait make that twice. we stand and walk out into the street. not wanting to see it as most others do we buy more to drink thinking this the best choice by far as we stand and watch them all walk by. everyone moves around so quickly, while i can only smile and laugh. samurai stop me in the street to have conversations i cannot understand. beautiful girls make the scenery so much better. we dance down streets, sometimes trying to talk to the clouds over head. i don't want to buy anything, we just want to watch beauty and let it know that someone is noticing. if she didn't have a boyfriend, if she didn't either. my future wife teaches me the japanese that i can practice today. ai shitteru yo, dokokade echi shiho. plaid umbrella flapping in the wind. But i stop them, running through the cars, the police and elder japanese struck with horror. run and jump over the green wall to stop in an instant, head bowed before the stone column, white angles flapping in the wind. you must wash your hands and rinse your mouth first. with quietude ascend the steps. collect your thoughts, head lowered twice followed by the two piercing claps, lower your head once more. slowly turn, hands respectfully held as you walk out with a mind calm and poised. step through the gate and again the chaos can resume. lets keep running.
Overtime, sitting there eating pizza from a cone. I want to fuck her and her me, but neither of us is willing. She wants to find someone else for me. We all go to see what can be found next. He walks first and i follow, again putting all i know into a bag. not thinking, as i have come to learn one can never do, what this means. She waits and walks with me, giving me time to learn that we should probably get married, it would be best for both of us. We laugh at the idea, because i'm right, there is just nothing to be done about it. I'll be honest... "I'm not like that." No worries, i meant no offense. one more drink, as she asks me where i came from. The decides she has changed her mind. Again less than coy becomes fun, no time to walk back but i can enjoy this bar for one last time. Sonic grabbing rings in the background. worlds smashing as this reality is about to be stripped off and thrown behind in the pursuit of a new one. You get used to it, because you learn not to think.

"Blasted holes in the night till it bled sunshine."

And we ride on. drinking more as the scenery hurtles by, talking with those we haven't met, from places we have never been. i remember nothing that was said. i know they loved metal music as we shared what we could continuing on. when will we arrive and where are we going. none of it has come to matter because i move more than i sit now. sitting can be enjoyed but i know it dulls me, i had come to feel so dull sitting there for so long and now sitting for even a moment now makes me just long for my feet to be moving again.
And walking, no being led to places where the watch dogs will sniff and maybe let me pass. maybe grant me a chance to return home. vision to clouded from days of drink and lack of sleep to see what is before me. good thing chilhood friends can be found anywhere when needed. they seem to have sniffed my crotch enough before so now they just ask for some papers. walking and talking but not knowing what i am saying. colors flash by, i can only assume they are caused by people and scenery but care to little to try and tell.
sleeping, then waiting. waiting for the voice to come. heard so many times, but this time an anxiety to hear it again that cannot be expressed. but calm, so calm. watching beauty come in. she asks again and again with bated excitment, searching for the face she does not know, of the man she is not familiar with but cannot wait to meet. a joy that makes me love her. and the beat drops. a man enters hidden behind a mask but i know his face. and behind him he trails a truth which forces me to stand. to smile without reserve. others i see dance because they want to and know they should. there is no such luxury for me i simply must. one cannot swim against a tidal wave and i would not want to anyway.
and so quickly it has all ended. i am not suprised, this is not the first and will not be the last time. the feeling doesn't even come. i just now it is there because i see it comeing from there eyes. a warm hug, a heartfelt thanks and it is gone or if not gone at least left for now.

"I start to think and then i sink into the paper like i was ink."

No comments: