Monday, August 10, 2009
Coming to the uroburos
a pink rabbit not a white one, always have been, what about you? ecstatic joy brought from calm breath as hands weave through the air and eyes open to see the figure head. stopped, but never still, humming, humming gently or violently inside i cannot tell. i just know that i saw the flash that was not there and shall not return. so many flashes, but only ever one. my mind trying to catch me again, laying out trip lines of words. but i won't let it. madness is too much fun. i go back home and will see more of the faces that have not known me since i broke my mind and found that the pieces were more fun to play with than putting it back together. fun games to be played with wooden balls. makes some marks on the surface or just sit and stare at their grain, certainly cannot decide now, the coins have yet to fall. the inked one will appreciate the sound of madness, and we will want to swing and duck. give those in a suit a reason to respect or cross the street when they see crouchers on the street, they just won't understand or maybe i am being to hard on the shells. i kept going to sleep wondering what was missing. something off or wrong. i know the warmth hadn't always been there, hadn't even been there for long, but when it wasn't it seemed as if a world from before had disappeared. the price one pays for keeping the mind of water, for diving into everything. when you leave one pool for the next you are always changing the world entirely, always being born again. all you have ever known stripped away and replaced by the new. a price or a gift depending on the circumstance and the formation of the clouds. the stone floor rippled like water today, and exploded all over with sparks of color. i think everyone else just saw the unchanging grey, but they don't know that the walls aren't real. the world is just a cellophane wrapping around us, only getting its solidity and truth from those who don't bother to question or wont be washed away by wonder.
Wandering they did, they were given my chance.They took it and they ran, they ran to places beautiful. rivers pouring down mountains, tears pouring down like i could not imagine. i sat in the bars, ran in the streets danced with the girls and threw my words on the wall. he went and heard the stories of pain that no man should have to feel, and after, no one should want to or have to hear,but he did, she did, they did. they wanted to they went for it. he rode on gears that move and spin through sweat and tears that poured down their faces. she watched them bend the legs and place the bits so they could raise themselves to walk endlessly but always look down into that face they understood. i stood and painted or sat and spoke just to understand. pictures on a wall, no pain brought in so that they could learn to make it stop. not visions and words to prevent those who have died or suffered from having to die again. just there to hear and be with ones who didn't want to accept, those who want blue on their ankles and chose to put it on the walls. was i a waste, should i have tried to save a life. i did not try but maybe i did. she told me life wasn't worth living, i spent a week, or was it two, making her see how it was. showed her the first glimpses she had of a soft world. just as i showed the other ice fall from the sky for the first time and as we walked away from that last cigarette the dolphin swam away, not with a goodbye, as so often has been the case, through lack of acceptance or just lack of doubt that there will be another time to share. i kept that knife away, maybe just for a day, but giving a day to think just a little but more. did i save him, who sat, coming with no purpose not destination only a sound in the distance, after it had ended, to draw them in. we sat. them both with ink on their hands, but having seen so much, having given and cried and walked with those who had none and we only wanted to give all too. "i felt that they had given so much to me and i had nothing to give to them, and still they kept giving to me." the hearts seeming so right through the words they threw to us with miles behind. but then the eye that pierces and repulse comes back in. the voice from home that they said could not be seen as distant after to many voices had been seen as so, is and it hurts me, but seemingly only me as they put on the smiles that say yes, but twinge with the no. and the words fall like the petals of a flower bloomed and wilted too soon.
it came and went, i wanted to be and could not. so i ran when they went to rest, when the world had ended them. i ran through the streets to get away from them. i knew where i was going but did not know how. and so i had to stop, and turn and look and wait where i did not expect. i stopped to look in their eyes. thinking they would not know as i had, and i saw it. pupils clear and dark. like yours as we lay there tired, no want or strength to move (at least not in me), talking about those half close eyes and clear blue brows which made our hearts want to move. you to yours, and me to mine. i worried i had hurt you that time, but still i wanted and you seemed to want it too so that i would not wait, would not worry but jumped in to hold again.
i wanted to have a moment with those who knew because they were the ones who should. a moment came, others made it feel like it had gone in an instant, only in the pupils. gone when they blinked and the eyes spread again. she made such beauty, it made butterflys in my mind, swimming, not flying but swimming through the matter. she came in and pressed to pull back when i went to make it close, and came touching in wanting to tell through giving as i pulled away. they came from the place of so many others who are forgotten. the forgotten in the front of my mind, but not for them. letting them in i do not know them, tried to show them me. maybe made them understand and find a hope i looked for myself, maybe i just got them drunk.