Friday, October 3, 2008

Prophetic dreams yet again. Nothing I can do to stop them, no time, no opportunity simply a warning that I understand too late. A dream within a dream of what I most want and wish only to open my eyes twice and watch it slip away. Empty, nothing left to tie me. Final words sent. I go today to see the greatest teachers. Those who can best make one accept such fates. The city of goats Guangzhou is called. Blessed by five who came to give, I know goats only to take. To take and take, but through this give more than one can imagine. A goat will take what you love most until you willingly give, they are the best at teaching you to let go. To them i left the last Iihad. A blue cord braided and given in high mountains of home after cold nights, wanderings and blasting winds. It was to bring me back but now nothing to go back to. I leave it with hope that i had learned well their lesson walking off to find a place where i could sit and empty my mind.
Yes i will give to help your temple, i will give you all i have. Empty my pockets take it and find peace. You want to read my palm, i have no more money to place in yours, i know you to be a charlatan, i have nothing to give so you don't want to offer. i gave to the man with robes without concern for this. i have come to pray but may not enter having given all i had to a monk i have nothing left to buy a ticket. "Buddha will not accept the prayers of those who do not purchase a ticket" there cold stares tell me. So i sit. I take a seat out side the temple, to meditate and see whether my wishes can pass those doors without paying the gatekeepers. The toothless woman scolds me as i sit , eyes half closed, breath calm, lotus legs on the warm stone. "What kind of foreigner has no money? Why would you give it all to a monk?" For the same reason i gave the crackhead my i-pod. Beause they asked and the wind seemed right, seemed to whisper that it was a time to give. Avoid wrath and cupidity today the coins told me. As i sit denied entrance to pray, Buddha deems me worthy. A stranger uncomprehending of why i rest barefoot on those dusty stones hands a ticket to me and the gates are opened.
Awe and wonder, my heart rises up lifted by that serene face of gold. An idol but so much more. I feel so small kneeling asking for the protection of all those i love and all i have yet to love. The golden splendor made me feel small only in knowing how empty all was. The tiny painting, Buddha holding his flower, granting in an instant eternity for those whose eyes are open, brings me almost to tears, tears of joy as a smile lights up my face. Those who walk around whisper and stare at the strange sight of the grinning barefooted foreigner, playing with his beads eyes welling as he stares through the glass. A few seem to understand. I am not there to take pictures i am there to chase a dream. The man with his son approaches me, tentatively handing an orange book to me "Hello, ni hao, I give you." He places it in my hand takes his son and walks away. Give and take. I hope to have it long enough to learn what wisdom he passed me.
I walk out of the temple. The beggar man does not ask of me or even look at me with pleading eyes, but only gives me a smile and nods. I feel nothing given but now so much to take. I walk away and pass a monk. He stares longer than the rest turning as I walk past. A tap on my shoulder as I continue on. Thrusting 10 yuan at me he raises his beaded hand as i grasp it, whispers a prayer and runs off. i can now get my lunch. Give without thought and receive what was never expected.
Give so that you have nothing and you are empty so that all may flow through. Grasp and covet not and you will never cease to be provided for. A puddle, keeping all for itself, will dry if it does not rain often, even a river spreading wide and to many may cease to flow if cut off from its source for too long, but the ocean gives to all by making clouds and thus is always fed as they run back and the ocean has yet to be without water.

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