Sunday, October 26, 2008

Rules for Driving in China

1. There are no rules to driving in China, do whatever you want to get wherever you want as fast as you want.
2. There are no rules to driving in China, do whatever you want to get wherever you want as fast as you want.
3. Road is a very loose term although what is not actually a road will be consitently called such by maps, signs and people you stop to ask. Example, the road to Juilin from Xiangguang: On a map it is shown as being a a large freeway, all of the fresh new roadsigns indicate it as being such, all of the people you stop to ask puzzles as you ride down what can only be called a road in so much as trees and shrubs would not dare attempt to grow on this broken rubble strewn landscapeconfirm that this is infact the road to Guilin. It appears that everything is very consistent in how forward thinking it is. What I found myself driving along was what will be the nice expressway to Guilin in about a year or two.
4. The Chinese government loves nothing more than to test the reflexes of its drivers by removing 5-10 meter sections of the road along major freeways where the average speed is around 70km/hr, this is in addition to the random barrels and cones which will be inserted seemingly without reason in the middle of similarly high speed roads.
5. The side of the road that you are supposed to be driving on is whatever one most appeals to you at the moment. This rule also applies to highways with dividers, change sides whenever you please.
6. Never slow down or wait before completing a desired turn or maneuver. If you are in a large vehicle simply push smaller ones out of the way. If you are on a small vehicle somehow find a space that you can slide through at whatever speed is necessary.
7. You will find interesting things in the road such as cows, puppies, boulders the size of small huts, an astounding amount of large piles of cow shit, meteor crash sites (very very common)
8. Chinese people are unbelievably brave or they have completely abandoned any attachment to life as shown by the willingness of 6 year old girls to nonchalantly walk through what can only be described as a feeding frenzy of vehicles, or ride on the back of a motorcycle taxi carelessly sipping a juice box as it tears through traffic.
9. Do not, in any case attempt to drive cautiously so as to be safe. This is the best way to get yourself killed as Chinese drivers will quickly become fedup with you and lose any respect you may have been granted from the start for your willingness to even attempt driving in China and will run you off the road as soon as possible to clear the road of what they will only come to see as an obstacle.
10. If you are able to abandon such attachment and concerns you can actually survive driving in China as shown by the multiple generations some drivers have managed to accrue and fit on a motorcycle all at one time.
11. Buses are the most dangerous thing you can possibly imagine. They are always the fastest and without a doubt the most reckless drivers on the road. I have never seen a bus not attempt to pass a vehicle infront of it, despite how fast they are already going, what the road is like or who is coming at them. Whereas in America psychotic criminals are senty to Iraq to fight wars in China I am pretty sure they just give them keys to a bus, the only requirement to become a bus driver as far as I can see is that you have no concern or regard for any life at all including your own.


arash said...

damn, sounds like an adventure every time you drive. Iran is very similiar, no rules, lines are invisible; yet there aren't that many's odd.

Anonymous said...

it sounds like driving in China is a way to achieve sunyata, eh?

miss you...!