my hands still smell of pig shit. i found today that daoists live under skies that ripple. ripple like sand dunes until the blue turns to gold and finally fades slowly slowly to an inky black filled with more dreams and guides than one could imagine. food cooks slowly over an open fire but is eagerly awaited by those sitting sipping belgian beer only enjoyed because it was brought as a heart felt gift. burning bai jiu out of plastic jugs is more jollily raised and raised again. they scream and fight knowing. as they die the screams slowly fade to coughs, choking coughs. their skin burns just like ours, their hearts so close they can be used to save mens live. no feeling of pity though. coming to understand they die, i will too. squeeze out the bladder pull out the guts. holding tight as it fights and struggles and slowly stops. he just walks out of the field as i come to try and know the sky. they want a plan so you try to give them a backbone. but stories tied to the legs of birds do not serve well to leave a direction you can point out to others. what more could you want? laugh madly and spin and they will stare and not know why or maybe come to dance along one can never care or have an eye for a result.
i have come to feel a lesson once learned. given by a beautiful girl whose true beauty only came to be known once i was locked listening to her words. glamour fades, all know this though many ignore it, but a spirit a mind that burns does not die and always brings warmth. finding this warmth where not expected led me to become lost even though i was only heading home. the lights are on and then they go out, who knows when they may be back. i have come to understand the need the unquenchable desire to have a what others do, what you think you should have too and to fight and scratch and leave behind what you may know for it. but i have come to love those who sit by the fire and smoke cigarettes, raising glasses while still covered in blood from the pig that fills their stomach. i can see why people want and chase after it, but feel i have found kinship with those who would rather sit and laugh, there even the dog turns down food.