Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Temple of the Broken Courtyard

Part 1
Obstruction- The Inhumanity of obstruction does not help the steadfast uprightness of cultured people. The great goes and the small comes.
Heaven and earth not interacting symbolizes; under such conditions cultured people avoid trouble by virtue of frugality, unwilling to work just for money.
6. Overthrowing obstruction, first there is obstruction afterward there is joy.

Expressways full of speedbumps, one really can't go too fast. He falls. Carefully, carefully it doesn't matter.
Everything i have been looking for, fuck it i've got no money. Be frugal. Outside looking more the part, blood and dirt. Now i must get the inside there.
Monks running from the rain, laughing as they dodge puddles. So quiet locusts sing as i stare at the flame. He does not look down upon you as Amitavaha does, gaze fixed forward. Fight and battle you must by yourself. Raise yourself up until you come to meet his gaze.
The black dog barks. " 他不要人." (He doesn't like people.) Then why is he here i think for a moment. "Monks have good hearts." That is why. They took in this stray dog, fed and sheltered him of course that one as well. If a monks heart is not good enough to love the dog that doesn't like people whose would be. It guards her temple. Keeping watch from its lotus throne. A stone sculpture elsewhere come to life here. On the cliffs appearance so imposing, but fixed and unmoving. The eyes only, and the shifting color, give away the hidden strength. I sit. Obstructions overcome, good luck had. Stop to take a photo, come to join a funeral feast. Shangdi must love to smoke. Cultured people don't run too quickly after money. Make the inside like the out. Calm the breath relax the gaze all comes when needed so long as it is not looked for but smiled at when it arrives. Fate has a funny way of unfolding in startlingly obvious ways sometimes. The horns blow, reminding me of the green and blue towers below. The swimming rivers of light. Only calm puddles and locusts here. What the coins tell me. Gliding on brown ice. Pain, anger, frustration. Obstacles seemingly without bound. Concern, fear. Change your destination and the obstruction may disappear. Monks have the best hot water thermoses.
On i went, worrying but not halting and it came just as said.
Base- sitting alone in quite contemplation. The card i have so often chosen for myself. Challenge- wreathed in flame calmly commanding a power. Crown- enjoying that same piece of good fortune standing in front of a temple gate. Sitting, eyes calm, breathe pulled throughout my body. It was him i realized, right there before me. Calmly staring forward. Flame at his feet, i sat before him. My temple gate found and entered.

Part 2
Sameness with people- Sameness with people in the wilds is successful. It is worthwhile crossing great rivers. It is worthwhile to be upright as cultured people.
Sky and fire symbolize sameness with people. Thus do cultured people distinguish things and being in terms of types and kinds.
Hiding warriors in the bush, climbing to a high outlook, do not take action for three years.

Rain pours down from the tiles. I try to catch all of it with my eyes. Calm rarely felt, rarely before known in this way. Familiar from those few places before, those few places where something was a bit different. The rain falls making endless rings. And still the black dog stands watch. Sitting breath calm he leaves me in peace.
Wringing it out with my hands. Somehow this thing, this thing which grows out of me and never before held any meaning has come to be something for me, has come to have an importance a meaning which i don't know, but know is there. So much forgotten, but my hand, my heart so full of desire. Forgetting may be good. The movements still in my muscles in my bones, just the method gone from mind. The meaning given them by another. I think now i should start my own dance. I have the dream in my head now i must go seek instruments, but where to find them? Gansu perhaps, but for that i must wait and then i fear i may not have enough time to finish feeling the steps. But on i can go. Life not stopping and starting in dates and flights. My scenery changes all the time all become home so never leaving just stepping through different rooms. A step or a thousand miles what difference is there. All comes in its season. Times to sit, times to run. A broken courtyard whos beauty has brought out great love in me.
What do they do all day? "什么?" The men without hair, how do the spend their time each day. "打坐。" (meditate) Oh. "What do you do all day?"

Part 3
Thunder- Thunder means getting through successfully: When thunder comes there is alarm, then the mirth of laughing talk. Thunder startling for a hundred miles does not cause loss of serious devotion.
Repeated thunder causes a stir. Cultured people practice self examination with trepidation and fear.
When thunder is faint, stir into action and there will be no fault.
6. Thunder trailing off, the gaze unsteady and expedition bodes ill. When thunder does not affect and individual, but does affect the neighborhood, there is no blame. If a partnership is formed, there is talk.

And the rain goes on. Pouring down, harder, harder. As if to tell me i have missed the message. I am overlooking the sign. It will not stop till what i need to do here is done, what i need to learn learnt. Come to control my mind, calm the thoughts. I sit, but i think, so i must sit more. Watch the rain fall, catch it with the eyes.
Broken courtyard. Bits strewn all around. "At night, close the door." Smiles, knit sweaters and aprons. "他听不懂" And the rain goes on. A hundred more drops made by those that fall. Thousands from a few. Leaping, leaping never sitting still. And the rain will go on. Distant thunder a call to action. Hands, hands. Let them get wet, see if you can keep them dry. Faster straighter don't try, don't think just move. Faster straighter. strike the column, strike it once more. the building will not fall, hit it till the arms break. And smiles, endless smiles at the sky. "what are you waiting for?" I was trying to go in, but couldn't so decided to stay out. Now i am waiting for nothing. 看一看. watch the rain fall. Catch the drops with your eyes, with your hands until you catch them all with your heart. A smile, laughter, without reason or none she can see. My way of showing what i know different than the ways of her teachers. Rings, endless rings. How strange they still look, though i've always had them with me. Let the water fall, catch it in your palm. The mud almost gone, is that what i am waiting here for, for that stain to disappear. Here let me spread it on my fingers, ah much better. And the rain goes on.
"Do you think monks are bad?" No, maybe they are too good for me. It sets in, slowly, creeping. Coming in at the corners the feeling settles in. That feeling of understanding a deep heavy calm. A calm with no words to describe it: fear, shame, guilt, insignificance. all right, all wrong. I don't understand, I want to but i don't, not yet. A pupil, a student. Paths i must keep chasing after, running down. I don't know, i want to but i don't. The black dog comes closer now. Red light shinning up, lotuses. She pours the water down, eyes calm. Give, give it all. Do not bother to look who takes, just give. The black dog circles her. He does not know why. I do not know why i do these things either. I believe, believe in what i don't know i just believe. Why sit when you can stand? Why burn incense, look at the idols? Why, because none of it matters so all of it can.
I wish i could speak to them better, the men with no hair, so i could learn from them. I cannot so i just watch. She just peers up from the noodle bowl, speaking so sloppily she still understands. Maybe just by watching a very good person you can come to learn a little about it yourself.
The black dog comes closer, sniffs my boot, sniffs my foot even wags its tail at me. I get up and return to my room. And still it rains.

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