Lotus Feet

"Burn through me like blue neon."
crazy beautiful. Dark corner made darker. Music blarring, faces swirl in the smoke. "Lock me up, leave me alone, I don't like people." Here you are angry because you are not alone. You hate them all; their noise, their smell. "Lock me in a cell so i never have to leave, never have to hear their noise." Hating others why did you come? Why did you leave your cell, to come find me? "I have my pets." "Dungeons are good because you can lick bars." Sex, sex, sex. But a single touch and you recoil. Alone and erotic. "I hate sex." You hate and love it because it hurt you. Taken, used when you stepped outside your door. And now, in the dark for so long, you long for the sun but can think only that it will burn you. Crazy beautiful, you don't want to be alone, you just keep getting hurt when your not.
"Floating lotus"
"Flying lotus"
"Butterflies, 1000 into my chest. Blue. Unusual."
But to what purpose disturbing the dust on a bowel of rose leaves. Smash the bowl and maybe the leaves will again become a flower.
"I hate all,
cuz they r pollution to Me."
Pollution can be flushed out. Run through clear water and don't hold to dirt with hate.
"Lotus?"
Lotuses must open to the sun for the world to be created.
".....U r always smiling :)"
I gave up on worrying about the reasons that make you frown
Feet splash down the gutter. "Is it clean?" Oh yes, don't worry, don't fear just walk and splash. "Can I be blindfolded?" Yes, i will take your arm. Steps so tentative. I promise not to walk you into danger. Take my hand. I know not where i go, but maybe in my going i can show you lovely places to sit. I was trying to fuck you, but now i just want to help a fragile hand slapped too many times to once more open a door and step out..
Footfalls echo, echo, echo and splash. Has your pain set you running back to a cave. Footfalls echo.
"Joy is too wanton."
Play the lute and scream at trees.
"So I'm the elf in the tree, scream to me a lullaby."
Eyes so wide, showing pain for any to see. Wider, wider, opening a world deep and dark. I can look in, i can become lost and frightened. Maybe come to understand, but not know. Kittens and children's smiling faces. Music and joy. Painting, stopping, laughing. A smile brought to a face too long hidden, too long turned down, turned away. But shattered, a strange but warmer world turned too strange.
"Why I like staying with U?"
Because i have tried to give to you rather than take. To help rather than hurt.
"No one ever treat me so nice."
And the fear comes back, crashing in like night when day is suddenly torn away. Darker, darker, darker. That scream, that yell of endless tormentors come back, leering at you from the faces of those who seemed friends.
struggling, stumbling back the fear grows an grows. Locking yourself in a dark cell. Torturing yourself as those behind your eyes return to toture you. Curse and spit at me. Cry and vomit. Still i will stay, still i will hold your hand to steady you as those dark winds swirl in your mind. You love her because she did not hurt you as they did. But hate, hate also so strong. She pulled you from the dragons lair, only to leave you standing cold and alone as if you had not survived, as if this broken battered girl had not been strong enough, had breathed her last breath. But too strong you were.
Fighting dogs with wailing harps.
And so thinner and thinner you became. A skeleton left to walk amongst the wastes. And they came in droves, in numbers, the jackals and vultures. Dark eyes peering out from and already dark wilderness. When your pain became too great, your cries too loud for them to block out they sent you away, sent you to a hell they thought you wouldn't make it back from. Green squares, green glasses you screamed into the mirror. Rape, Rape, Rape. They did not take the hurt away, they did not pull you from your mind. They brought it out, they tortured your body with the same horrors that had tortured your mind. And so i held my hand out to you. Not to pull you closer to a face full of fangs like so many, like all the, others, but instead to show you a light touch. Like a hand finding rest on a trees bark warmed by the sun, staying, to rest a wearied body, a wearied heart. And as you were dragged back through that darkness the hand stayed there, steady, so the body did not fall, did not break. And so a lotus rose from the red waters. Calming the roiling sea. And as you looked on the petals unfolded showing to you a new world of light and golden fields. Shifting patterns cast on soft moss made by gently swaying leaves.
Rains coming and going. Rivers surge so travelers know not what path to take.
"don't travel. Backhome!"
But home is where feet travel and sakura are found.
"cosy home."
Sun on yout face grass under your back, what more could be wanted than the company of the wind?
"Sakura in the wind."
Snow comes warm and light.
"I'm lying in the snow a red apple in my right palm. Close my eyes. Sticking out my tongue tasting snowflakes."
Light footfalls in the snow, a cloud passes glowing gold.
Eyes opening once again to see a world outside your terror. It swated and bent slowly settling back in. But through it you came to see something. The fears were old, the terrors brought back, but no, something new had risen up, emerged from that dark swirling. A gentle hand. Kindness had been there when it never was before. And eyes opening, the face which had changed from hated love to tormenting demon, to steady guiding hand setteled. It setteled, finding a place, no making a new one where all the gap had been sealed up tight, in your heart. And so, being given kindness made you feel you had come to find love. Clinging, wanting, holding, desperate for the unknown warmth not to leave you tied these feelings, the comfort of a gentle touch, the safety of a true smile, to a face. But kindness has no face, giving no constant body. They come to those who are open. Often like a warm breeze when a chill has setteled all around. Unexpected, maybe even a little startling, but always welcome. Giving the mind and heart a moment of respite from whatever struggles and hardships may have held it down. But too close, too close i fear you have come to tie a face to this feeling. Believing that light comes from angels, even those with just one wing, sent down to save rather than rising with the lotus as the waters inside us calm. And i fear your turning of a simple wanderer into a golden knight may have blinded you to words and visions of truth.

Then a cloud passed and the pool was empty
Go said the bird, for the leaves were full of children,
Hidden excitedly containing laughter.
Go, go, go said the bird: humankind
Cannot bear very much reality.
Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

And i thought of you, when darkness screamed, when clouds broke through. Crazy beautiful, art and eros. Footfalls echoing in my own hallways. She looked up at me wondering what could make an angel cry. Not an angel just someone made light enough to be blown about, nothing had so nothing held. Ties cut so winds can lift. And sometimes, carrying you back through trees full of old voices, the wind can cry with shadows of what was lost. I thought of you and even while darkness gathered sunshine still broke through
and
i
never
stopped
smiling

I find what you have to say very interesting

"That's just what we need: a barefoot viking motherfucking looking dude with a sword."
Stopping, waiting, pausing. Was it giving in or listening to the wind. The dao doesn't fit into numbers it doesn't argue and fight, it sits and contemplates the lilies or dances along the waters surface singing at the dying world. Tapping, tapping, tapping lotuses and jade pendants. Pain no pain. Words flowing past. Past time future time, only the present now. No halls of memory to run down only words, words passed before my eyes and tapping scratching. Broken jade, then cloud-like hair. Where did it begin, where will it end, thoughts questions not in the mind. The lonely pond, the appeal to Krishna. I slayed you with my words coming to yout world to play with numbers and reasons. But in doing so i gave up my heart the willows and the lotus. A battle lost more than you can know although you don't know. Charming spinning, winning this one no i don't want that i will move to and run with the next. Nothing wanted, take give. A wonderland found, not missed but found, yes i will stay to play but only for a little while. I have found a world of clouds and dragons.
Tell me stories, I want the ones that make dreams come out of your eyes. That your heart pulls up from your feet with scents and sounds. I want you to make the back walls blur as you pull with so much, with all you have. Give them, share them let me look.

And he stood up spinning

my hands still smell of pig shit. i found today that daoists live under skies that ripple. ripple like sand dunes until the blue turns to gold and finally fades slowly slowly to an inky black filled with more dreams and guides than one could imagine. food cooks slowly over an open fire but is eagerly awaited by those sitting sipping belgian beer only enjoyed because it was brought as a heart felt gift. burning bai jiu out of plastic jugs is more jollily raised and raised again. they scream and fight knowing. as they die the screams slowly fade to coughs, choking coughs. their skin burns just like ours, their hearts so close they can be used to save mens live. no feeling of pity though. coming to understand they die, i will too. squeeze out the bladder pull out the guts. holding tight as it fights and struggles and slowly stops. he just walks out of the field as i come to try and know the sky. they want a plan so you try to give them a backbone. but stories tied to the legs of birds do not serve well to leave a direction you can point out to others. what more could you want? laugh madly and spin and they will stare and not know why or maybe come to dance along one can never care or have an eye for a result.

i have come to feel a lesson once learned. given by a beautiful girl whose true beauty only came to be known once i was locked listening to her words. glamour fades, all know this though many ignore it, but a spirit a mind that burns does not die and always brings warmth. finding this warmth where not expected led me to become lost even though i was only heading home. the lights are on and then they go out, who knows when they may be back. i have come to understand the need the unquenchable desire to have a what others do, what you think you should have too and to fight and scratch and leave behind what you may know for it. but i have come to love those who sit by the fire and smoke cigarettes, raising glasses while still covered in blood from the pig that fills their stomach. i can see why people want and chase after it, but feel i have found kinship with those who would rather sit and laugh, there even the dog turns down food.

Falling birds

Predominance of the Small- When the small predominates it gets through successfully, beneficial if correct. It is suitable for small matters, but not for great matters. The call left by a flying bird should not rise but descend; that is very auspicious.
There is thunder over a mountain, symbolizing predominance of the small. Cultured people are extraordinaliry reverential in their behavior, extraordinarily sorrowful in their mourning, and extraordinarily frugal in their needs.
1. A bird in flight is considered bad luck.

A couple sitting by the side of the road. She holds him.
"Look dinosaurs." "the road up ahead is dangerous, it rained alot last night, be careful." China likes to coat its tunnels in a substance that absors all light cast by headlights. total blackness, crackes walls, uneven stones, the tunnels i had worried about. stop to take a break, look out over the valley. climbed to the top of a mountain, swing the blade breathe the air.
a motorcycle in the road, who put that there? motorcycles shouldn't be on their side.
The wrong way you say. To sichuan, that isn't right. The soup was very good and your village very lovely, but i must be going. back past puddles on mountain tops, down twisting roads.
Covered in his blood. Cars drive around "you left your bike in the road" the horns scream angrily.
What did it feel like? Did you even know or did you think the whole time things would be alright? I have felt my wheels slip. I have seen trucks come up so quickly, holes close too fast. I didn't know it was happening that night, that time the lights came too close. I only knew lights then the distinct sight of gravel and dust. The dust lit by my headlight. Floating there, floating, seen for the first time because i was stopped, but it had been there. Did you know? Did you know you would fall? Do you know why? I saw no cracks in the road, at least none worth noting, no treacherous patches of gravel. Was there another car, another vehicle that just ran leaving you and her to lie there? She knows it happened, but will you ever? In your eyes I saw nothing. Shaking, shaking only shaking. Those cuts did not worry me about them i could have done something, but they didn't matter. The shaking though, I do not want to chake like that . I did not and never wil know you, but I did not want you to shake like that. She is fine, she can still smile like on your keys. I hope you will be able to again, but the shaking, the shaking worreid me. If they had seen it maybe they would have helped. Maybe he would have bothered to take both headphones out. I didn't understand, he understood me. He told me he understood, but blankly stared as i ran and rushed. He understood, I didn't . I didn't understand that he understood and just didn't care. He understood too. I understood that he didn't care either. Can you tell me where i can find a doctor. i want to help him. "you want to help him." he laughed, he laughed and just kept counting the money the old man had given him. none of them cared. i rushed and ran begging, pleading for help. "听不懂." if you don't understand my words i will write them so you do. if you just don't care you have to say so. The sky turns gold. I don't see clouds tonight, I don't see them turn red with the setting sun.

Sleeping dragons

Guizhou is a land of sleeping dragons. Everywhere there spines and fingers poke out of the earth. Their slumbering mummers bubble to the surface. Sometimes their mouths open wide rushing out to crash upon the landscape. They wear dreary like a bed quilt blanketing the landscape in a dream like quiet beauty. The dog barks all night and today the sun does not rise. Perhaps the dragons were kept up and have asked the sun to wait a while before coming to warm their bones.

Temple of the Broken Courtyard

Part 1
Obstruction- The Inhumanity of obstruction does not help the steadfast uprightness of cultured people. The great goes and the small comes.
Heaven and earth not interacting symbolizes; under such conditions cultured people avoid trouble by virtue of frugality, unwilling to work just for money.
6. Overthrowing obstruction, first there is obstruction afterward there is joy.

Expressways full of speedbumps, one really can't go too fast. He falls. Carefully, carefully it doesn't matter.
Everything i have been looking for, fuck it i've got no money. Be frugal. Outside looking more the part, blood and dirt. Now i must get the inside there.
Monks running from the rain, laughing as they dodge puddles. So quiet locusts sing as i stare at the flame. He does not look down upon you as Amitavaha does, gaze fixed forward. Fight and battle you must by yourself. Raise yourself up until you come to meet his gaze.
The black dog barks. " 他不要人." (He doesn't like people.) Then why is he here i think for a moment. "Monks have good hearts." That is why. They took in this stray dog, fed and sheltered him of course that one as well. If a monks heart is not good enough to love the dog that doesn't like people whose would be. It guards her temple. Keeping watch from its lotus throne. A stone sculpture elsewhere come to life here. On the cliffs appearance so imposing, but fixed and unmoving. The eyes only, and the shifting color, give away the hidden strength. I sit. Obstructions overcome, good luck had. Stop to take a photo, come to join a funeral feast. Shangdi must love to smoke. Cultured people don't run too quickly after money. Make the inside like the out. Calm the breath relax the gaze all comes when needed so long as it is not looked for but smiled at when it arrives. Fate has a funny way of unfolding in startlingly obvious ways sometimes. The horns blow, reminding me of the green and blue towers below. The swimming rivers of light. Only calm puddles and locusts here. What the coins tell me. Gliding on brown ice. Pain, anger, frustration. Obstacles seemingly without bound. Concern, fear. Change your destination and the obstruction may disappear. Monks have the best hot water thermoses.
On i went, worrying but not halting and it came just as said.
Base- sitting alone in quite contemplation. The card i have so often chosen for myself. Challenge- wreathed in flame calmly commanding a power. Crown- enjoying that same piece of good fortune standing in front of a temple gate. Sitting, eyes calm, breathe pulled throughout my body. It was him i realized, right there before me. Calmly staring forward. Flame at his feet, i sat before him. My temple gate found and entered.

Part 2
Sameness with people- Sameness with people in the wilds is successful. It is worthwhile crossing great rivers. It is worthwhile to be upright as cultured people.
Sky and fire symbolize sameness with people. Thus do cultured people distinguish things and being in terms of types and kinds.
Hiding warriors in the bush, climbing to a high outlook, do not take action for three years.

Rain pours down from the tiles. I try to catch all of it with my eyes. Calm rarely felt, rarely before known in this way. Familiar from those few places before, those few places where something was a bit different. The rain falls making endless rings. And still the black dog stands watch. Sitting breath calm he leaves me in peace.
Wringing it out with my hands. Somehow this thing, this thing which grows out of me and never before held any meaning has come to be something for me, has come to have an importance a meaning which i don't know, but know is there. So much forgotten, but my hand, my heart so full of desire. Forgetting may be good. The movements still in my muscles in my bones, just the method gone from mind. The meaning given them by another. I think now i should start my own dance. I have the dream in my head now i must go seek instruments, but where to find them? Gansu perhaps, but for that i must wait and then i fear i may not have enough time to finish feeling the steps. But on i can go. Life not stopping and starting in dates and flights. My scenery changes all the time all become home so never leaving just stepping through different rooms. A step or a thousand miles what difference is there. All comes in its season. Times to sit, times to run. A broken courtyard whos beauty has brought out great love in me.
What do they do all day? "什么?" The men without hair, how do the spend their time each day. "打坐。" (meditate) Oh. "What do you do all day?"

Part 3
Thunder- Thunder means getting through successfully: When thunder comes there is alarm, then the mirth of laughing talk. Thunder startling for a hundred miles does not cause loss of serious devotion.
Repeated thunder causes a stir. Cultured people practice self examination with trepidation and fear.
When thunder is faint, stir into action and there will be no fault.
6. Thunder trailing off, the gaze unsteady and expedition bodes ill. When thunder does not affect and individual, but does affect the neighborhood, there is no blame. If a partnership is formed, there is talk.

And the rain goes on. Pouring down, harder, harder. As if to tell me i have missed the message. I am overlooking the sign. It will not stop till what i need to do here is done, what i need to learn learnt. Come to control my mind, calm the thoughts. I sit, but i think, so i must sit more. Watch the rain fall, catch it with the eyes.
Broken courtyard. Bits strewn all around. "At night, close the door." Smiles, knit sweaters and aprons. "他听不懂" And the rain goes on. A hundred more drops made by those that fall. Thousands from a few. Leaping, leaping never sitting still. And the rain will go on. Distant thunder a call to action. Hands, hands. Let them get wet, see if you can keep them dry. Faster straighter don't try, don't think just move. Faster straighter. strike the column, strike it once more. the building will not fall, hit it till the arms break. And smiles, endless smiles at the sky. "what are you waiting for?" I was trying to go in, but couldn't so decided to stay out. Now i am waiting for nothing. 看一看. watch the rain fall. Catch the drops with your eyes, with your hands until you catch them all with your heart. A smile, laughter, without reason or none she can see. My way of showing what i know different than the ways of her teachers. Rings, endless rings. How strange they still look, though i've always had them with me. Let the water fall, catch it in your palm. The mud almost gone, is that what i am waiting here for, for that stain to disappear. Here let me spread it on my fingers, ah much better. And the rain goes on.
"Do you think monks are bad?" No, maybe they are too good for me. It sets in, slowly, creeping. Coming in at the corners the feeling settles in. That feeling of understanding a deep heavy calm. A calm with no words to describe it: fear, shame, guilt, insignificance. all right, all wrong. I don't understand, I want to but i don't, not yet. A pupil, a student. Paths i must keep chasing after, running down. I don't know, i want to but i don't. The black dog comes closer now. Red light shinning up, lotuses. She pours the water down, eyes calm. Give, give it all. Do not bother to look who takes, just give. The black dog circles her. He does not know why. I do not know why i do these things either. I believe, believe in what i don't know i just believe. Why sit when you can stand? Why burn incense, look at the idols? Why, because none of it matters so all of it can.
I wish i could speak to them better, the men with no hair, so i could learn from them. I cannot so i just watch. She just peers up from the noodle bowl, speaking so sloppily she still understands. Maybe just by watching a very good person you can come to learn a little about it yourself.
The black dog comes closer, sniffs my boot, sniffs my foot even wags its tail at me. I get up and return to my room. And still it rains.

Temple of the Broken Courtyard Part 4

Abundance- Abundance is success; kings agrandize it. Do not worry; it is good for the sun to be at midpoint.
Thunder and lightning both come, representing abundance. Cultured people make judgements and pass sentences.
2. When abundance is a shade, you see the north star in the daytime. To go on will get yoususpicion and disdain. It is auspicious if you are truthful in an evident way.
6. When you make your rooms huge and enclose your house, a peek in the door finds it silent with no one there, not to be seen for three years.

And still it rains. Harder than ever. Laying, laying, thinking, not thinking. Eating, silently not knowing what to think or say. I am here to understand something. I don't know what, but here for something. I try to listen to your hearts, to hear the message of how to be just and peaceful. It is so hard for me to hear. What should I do. "Eat till your full, sleep when your tired, dress yourself." And the rain lightens. The hatchet rings on metal. Monks run in from the rain, laughing, singing. And the rain stops. The black dog comes over, looks up at me then gazes with me upon the lights of the city. And the rain stops.

The Road to Guilin: Wo dei kai wo de motoche chu Guilin

****** Disclaimer- If you have any propensity to worry about me or my safety I emplore you not to read the following description of my ride out to Guilin. Instead assume that I arrived at the head of a procession of gaily dressed penguins playing french horns astride a multi colored unicorn waving colored banners. It will give you much more pleasent thoughts.******

Oh Sleipnir, a lovely machine, not what I originally planned on but it is what luck presented to me and I am not one to turn down what fate puts in front of me. Usually assuming, and so far rightly so that is is the best course of action despite any plans I may have had to the contrary. I spent my first day with her in Xiangguang grooming, getting her ready for the long haul to Guilin. I was planning on making it there in one day staying for a few then heading out to Lijaing, taking my time getting out there. Escaping Xiangguang itself was a bit of a challenge. My plan had been to simply follow the compass, allow the needle to point me the way I needed to go. Guilin is north west so I will head that way. One thing a compass does not point to is what direction the road which actually allows you to pass through the enormous mountains that surround Xiangguang and fill all of Guangdong province. The last attachment I had was severed with a finality I could accept and so it was a very appropriate time to just start driving. Immediatly upon escaping the city. I killed a butterfly. It was crushed, splattered across my speeding face mask. Killed because of my desire to ride freely. I find myself completely at a loss for words to describe the feeling I received pulling off of the highway onto a smaller road. Coming around a bend to look out over a valley filled with small villages and rice paddies ringed all around by mountains which seemed to shoot up out of flat land because of an unquenchable desire to pierce the sky. They rose and fell with such suddeness that an indomintable will can be the only explanation. I stopped to take a pee here. The first of many beatiful bathroom sceneries. It was driving along this road that I also came to understand the danger that lies in having such captivating scenery coupled with chinese roads. Every few meters entire sections of road sometimes the entire road it appears had been subject to a localized and very violent earthquake. I quickly realized that had I infact purchased a sport bike as I had planned so I could wipe along the roads to travel quickly to my destinations, the only place i would have been going was the train station or the hospital.

Under the stars, breathing the night air. Fangshous lights so close. I turn. Where was that spot I saw. Where was that corner to tie my horse and pitch my tent. out of the way where none will see none will bother me. A bridge? Why these stone columns hung with banners. Here seems good. Hide her well. Dress her in leaves, mask her light. Hide myself as well. Every sound a concern. Creeping, was that a door. Stay low. Why so worried? It makes the game more fun. Every sound to wake me. Rise with dawn but not tired. I ride and ride from dawn till dusk. I tell myself not at night i will not go on once the sun is gone, yet still I ride. Where am I going, what is my destination. I didn't know then and I have forgotten now. Guilin I think, so far, why go there now. The road, so smooth and straight, gliding along yet now it is gone. half is missing, who has taken it, why wont they give it back. Ride on I must. The lack of food, the lack of sleep. My mind driven determined. Lights coming at me, so close. Thread the needle. Walk the tight rope. The lights keep coming. Dust, stones, where has the road gone? The lights keep coming, They don't touch me but still I feel everyone. Closer, closer it comes. Horn blaring, eyes, so bright, these ones different than the others. Closer, closer, bearing down. This time they have left no space for me. Off, off the edge, into the darkness. The wheels stop spinning. Who took the road and put it down here. "Mei wenti. Duo xie ni keyi zouba, duo xie. " I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to treat you wrong. I won't do this to you again. I know you're upset, let me get you to some place where you can rest. This is not where I can water you, this is not where we can stop. Too many, to fast, all screaming. Thank we will go on now until we find a spot to rest. Why are you limping, what have I done to hurt you. Just a little farther lights up ahead. Limping in. Barking, barking, why won't you stop? I mean you no harm, please let me be. Barking barking. Let me check you hooves, no stones here. what have I done, I did not mean to hurt you. How can I make you better? Turning, poking prodding cursing. Bending, bending is the key. Ready to go on we must travel. Gallop now. Black figures along the road. No fear, they never seem to worry. Stop to eat. Dan zhao fan. "Guilin zai nali? Nage fangbian. Duoxie." Mud and stone, this is not a road, this is not a thick red line on a map. Have i gone the wrong way, there were no turns, but there was also never a road to be following just a place with no trees. The ghost of a road to be dont drive there run on the rocks, splash in the mud. Bugs only come out at night in china. I know this because that is the only time i feel them hitting against my neck, or maybe they are just able to see me and move otu of the way during the day should i wear brighter colors when i ride at night.

Rules for Driving in China

1. There are no rules to driving in China, do whatever you want to get wherever you want as fast as you want.
2. There are no rules to driving in China, do whatever you want to get wherever you want as fast as you want.
3. Road is a very loose term although what is not actually a road will be consitently called such by maps, signs and people you stop to ask. Example, the road to Juilin from Xiangguang: On a map it is shown as being a a large freeway, all of the fresh new roadsigns indicate it as being such, all of the people you stop to ask puzzles as you ride down what can only be called a road in so much as trees and shrubs would not dare attempt to grow on this broken rubble strewn landscapeconfirm that this is infact the road to Guilin. It appears that everything is very consistent in how forward thinking it is. What I found myself driving along was what will be the nice expressway to Guilin in about a year or two.
4. The Chinese government loves nothing more than to test the reflexes of its drivers by removing 5-10 meter sections of the road along major freeways where the average speed is around 70km/hr, this is in addition to the random barrels and cones which will be inserted seemingly without reason in the middle of similarly high speed roads.
5. The side of the road that you are supposed to be driving on is whatever one most appeals to you at the moment. This rule also applies to highways with dividers, change sides whenever you please.
6. Never slow down or wait before completing a desired turn or maneuver. If you are in a large vehicle simply push smaller ones out of the way. If you are on a small vehicle somehow find a space that you can slide through at whatever speed is necessary.
7. You will find interesting things in the road such as cows, puppies, boulders the size of small huts, an astounding amount of large piles of cow shit, meteor crash sites (very very common)
8. Chinese people are unbelievably brave or they have completely abandoned any attachment to life as shown by the willingness of 6 year old girls to nonchalantly walk through what can only be described as a feeding frenzy of vehicles, or ride on the back of a motorcycle taxi carelessly sipping a juice box as it tears through traffic.
9. Do not, in any case attempt to drive cautiously so as to be safe. This is the best way to get yourself killed as Chinese drivers will quickly become fedup with you and lose any respect you may have been granted from the start for your willingness to even attempt driving in China and will run you off the road as soon as possible to clear the road of what they will only come to see as an obstacle.
10. If you are able to abandon such attachment and concerns you can actually survive driving in China as shown by the multiple generations some drivers have managed to accrue and fit on a motorcycle all at one time.
11. Buses are the most dangerous thing you can possibly imagine. They are always the fastest and without a doubt the most reckless drivers on the road. I have never seen a bus not attempt to pass a vehicle infront of it, despite how fast they are already going, what the road is like or who is coming at them. Whereas in America psychotic criminals are senty to Iraq to fight wars in China I am pretty sure they just give them keys to a bus, the only requirement to become a bus driver as far as I can see is that you have no concern or regard for any life at all including your own.

Sleipnir

i purchased my steel horse today. its name is Sleipnir after odin's eightlegged horse.
Sleipnir means smooth or gliding and is the source of the english word slippery. son of Svadilfari the stallion used by a fire giant in an attempt to trick the gods and steal the moon and their most beautiful goddess, Freya, and mischief making god, Loki,("prevent this giant from besting us or we will torture you eternally" warned Odin) in the form of a pure white mare. half god half divine giant horse.
if you just go to a yamaha dealership buy a bike and then nod and say "hao" alot when they take you around to police and officials it is easy enough to get motorcycle registration and license in china despite the fact that according to chinese law foreigners are not allowed to ride motorcycles. my i-ching is entirely receptive. i was told to be the mare travelling without bound spreading kindness and charity. waking up in mist filled mountains. temples to confucius surrounded by stone animals a patio for dancing with a sword. i thought i was in a quite hamlet only to find a bustling city below. the ferry man was not happy with me returning so late last night and leaving so early this morning. "shi kuai. ni keyi" yes i can pay you one dollar to ferry me across the water. other streams i have seen seemed so dirty no filter strong enough to convince me to touch that water to my body, much less drink it. this was a place to swim and play as boats chugged past. again their trace appears in bold vibrant colors. always they hide from me until i plan to leave. showing their colors only at the end as if to alert me to how many mysteries i leave unsolved each time i pack my bag and go. as if i did not already know this. as if each step out the door was not hard enough already. so much already left behind but still every time i step to that road it seems just as hard. maybe even harder. the first step, although the largest, now seems as if it was the easiest. yet still it is the only one that haunts me. it must be because it is the one i know i will return to and thus will have to face how it has changed while i have gone. it is the only one for which i have a clear picture now and don't know if i will be able to help myself but expect to see it again. i know it is gone already but i also know i will not be able to accept this. i know that when the time comes the shock will inevitably hit me. a feeling of sinking and loss or the uplifting joy of a new horizon, i don't know what to expect. the coins gave me hope on this day i was going to leave to run. "the mare is akin to the earth, traveling the earth without bound, gentle and docile, helpful and faithful. Cultured people are going somewhere; earlier they got lost and strayed from the way later they followed and attained the eternal." everything seems so right. lost i truly was, only hoping that i may bring myself around to find the way. it may be foolish but the coins have given me hope. they always seem to say the words that fit. not just my thoughts painted over them, but words that cannot be ignored. horses and travelling. lost before only full of dreams to find the way. i feel now more confident than before that it may be more than a fools fancy. dancing immortally. i told you all, all that i loved that i will either die here or will have found a way to live forever. me mounting sleipner and heading off i believe is the time when the true test will begin. the same words have come from the mouths off all i have met. "ni dei hen xiaoxi, zhege difang hen anquan, ni chuqu bu shi." you must be very careful it is safe here, but when you go it will not be. my shifu called me crazy, my friends worreid about me before i left and now don't know what to do other than hope and pray i find some way to make it through. i have faith, or rather i have no fear. already driving in china has taught me one thing there are absolutely no rules or rhyme to what people can or will do. i much prefer this method once i came to understand that i need obey no law other than do whatever you must to get where you need to go without dying. wits and reflexes, every breath must go into the feet or it will be your last. i will ride sleipnir i will be carried by the divine mare safely through my journeys. like odin, sword on back upon the 8 legged horse. like cloud, sword and motorcycle travelling a loner. like lu bingdu sword to dispel ignorance astride a black tiger. all these characters one in the same. different faces, differnt names, same spirit. all of them i see a beings worth having as a teacher. as Mr. Woo taught me in china to be a student you emulate the actions of your teacher. then do you come to know first through doing then through understanding why you do. so run i will. sword on back to fight giants and keep the gods in line, to fight for loved ones lost and protect the world from those who may harm it, to chase enlightenment and follow the dao dispersing evil and dispelling ignorance. like lu paint in hand spreading poems and coming to know the others who do the same.

Taking painting into your own hands

For those of you already started or interested in starting to make the walls around you a little more beautiful here is a place that you can get tools to do it with. www.montanaasia.com All you will need to find then is the skills and inspiration. Once i overcome my computer illiteracy i will figure out how to set up a permanent link. Have fun making walls pretty.

Prophetic dreams yet again. Nothing I can do to stop them, no time, no opportunity simply a warning that I understand too late. A dream within a dream of what I most want and wish only to open my eyes twice and watch it slip away. Empty, nothing left to tie me. Final words sent. I go today to see the greatest teachers. Those who can best make one accept such fates. The city of goats Guangzhou is called. Blessed by five who came to give, I know goats only to take. To take and take, but through this give more than one can imagine. A goat will take what you love most until you willingly give, they are the best at teaching you to let go. To them i left the last Iihad. A blue cord braided and given in high mountains of home after cold nights, wanderings and blasting winds. It was to bring me back but now nothing to go back to. I leave it with hope that i had learned well their lesson walking off to find a place where i could sit and empty my mind.
Yes i will give to help your temple, i will give you all i have. Empty my pockets take it and find peace. You want to read my palm, i have no more money to place in yours, i know you to be a charlatan, i have nothing to give so you don't want to offer. i gave to the man with robes without concern for this. i have come to pray but may not enter having given all i had to a monk i have nothing left to buy a ticket. "Buddha will not accept the prayers of those who do not purchase a ticket" there cold stares tell me. So i sit. I take a seat out side the temple, to meditate and see whether my wishes can pass those doors without paying the gatekeepers. The toothless woman scolds me as i sit , eyes half closed, breath calm, lotus legs on the warm stone. "What kind of foreigner has no money? Why would you give it all to a monk?" For the same reason i gave the crackhead my i-pod. Beause they asked and the wind seemed right, seemed to whisper that it was a time to give. Avoid wrath and cupidity today the coins told me. As i sit denied entrance to pray, Buddha deems me worthy. A stranger uncomprehending of why i rest barefoot on those dusty stones hands a ticket to me and the gates are opened.
Awe and wonder, my heart rises up lifted by that serene face of gold. An idol but so much more. I feel so small kneeling asking for the protection of all those i love and all i have yet to love. The golden splendor made me feel small only in knowing how empty all was. The tiny painting, Buddha holding his flower, granting in an instant eternity for those whose eyes are open, brings me almost to tears, tears of joy as a smile lights up my face. Those who walk around whisper and stare at the strange sight of the grinning barefooted foreigner, playing with his beads eyes welling as he stares through the glass. A few seem to understand. I am not there to take pictures i am there to chase a dream. The man with his son approaches me, tentatively handing an orange book to me "Hello, ni hao, I give you." He places it in my hand takes his son and walks away. Give and take. I hope to have it long enough to learn what wisdom he passed me.
I walk out of the temple. The beggar man does not ask of me or even look at me with pleading eyes, but only gives me a smile and nods. I feel nothing given but now so much to take. I walk away and pass a monk. He stares longer than the rest turning as I walk past. A tap on my shoulder as I continue on. Thrusting 10 yuan at me he raises his beaded hand as i grasp it, whispers a prayer and runs off. i can now get my lunch. Give without thought and receive what was never expected.
Give so that you have nothing and you are empty so that all may flow through. Grasp and covet not and you will never cease to be provided for. A puddle, keeping all for itself, will dry if it does not rain often, even a river spreading wide and to many may cease to flow if cut off from its source for too long, but the ocean gives to all by making clouds and thus is always fed as they run back and the ocean has yet to be without water.

Late nights, fine art, the taste of fine wine and cheese, pretty banker girls. The darkness but lights across the water, dog shit, rattling cans and the abrasive smell of propellant. I came to prefer the latter. Unique style, poetry with a picture, they like it. I thought they were being nice, i came to understand they weren't. I may not be very good but my friends are and i came to them as a pupil so that counts for a lot more to me.

Voodoo House- paint in hand for the first time

More ghosts in this house than just the ones brought by the voodoo rituals which earned the place its name. My first time painting, bet you can figure out which one is mine, luckily under the tutelage of an old great, my thanks are endless Dofi.

The first tracks in the concrete

These were some of the first pieces i came upon in Hong Kong. Streets bustling the air heavy with the scent. I knew my prey must be close. Then down a wide alley off the main road littered with sleeping men, shirtless, faces covered with newspaper to keep out the light i saw the bright tracks of my quarry. A gallery tucked away amongst whizzing cars and hurrying people. There is hope for my project indeed. Later i came to know many of the then unseen writers and the man who first saw what this hidden place could be.

The Hong Kong chapter has passed. The words scribbled, the images pulled from my mind to be splashed out in ink shall not be shared with you. Held within the pages of a black book that holds the voice coming from before I was born and after I died has gone now to the one who holds my heart. And there it shall stay for a unicorn to decided what fate lies ahead for both it and me. The pictures captured I will share. The changes, the thoughts, the feelings are not for you and not for me. All I will say is that it was a time of pulling away, of sloughing off old skin. Of the person I was the only ash left clinging a simple band of silver. A sign of strength and courage but most importantly a tie to love and support. To the unstoppable flow of ancestral qi that will always be there flowing deep. The only memory of Hong Kong to be shared shall be the last night.
A brother found. His eyes all i needed to see to know who he was, the dreams he had before he uttered a word. from a place which to me meant nothing but dreams, clouded valleys, crystal lakes, and the notion of heaven on earth which i never thought to go to. We talked and i knew, knew from his eyes he may break her heart, at least he would leave at some point and maybe she wouldn't be able to wait, already she had waited so perhaps she would. we had only met so briefly yet knew our feet should walk together. He bore my sign on his hand. I asked where it was from. "I got that as a child not knowing what it meant." At every turn signs and omens. As if the eyes were not enough. My fate and his would flow together for a while despite the humble meeting.
There I sat later and later into the night. The fire bringing me a joy from warmth that I had not felt since arriving in Hong Kong where I spent my moments trying to escape it. The voices rose up with the sparks and smokes. A haunting beauty. Words I could not understand, words meant to echo in the peaks of Nepal, but a meaning that my heart knew all to well. Long they sang, and we drank and ate. The sun risen, people come for there morning swim in the ocean but still we sang. Till suddenly she stood up. The beautiful girl whose sparkling eyes first drew me towards the path that now led me to such a foreign land, a place i want to and feel i can call home. She stood and began to run. I leapt up after her. Chasing that girl in the blue dress. A blue which joined the early morning sky and the endless ocean as she dove into the gentle lapping waves. Water washing over us, Loving warmth for the first time as I form my last and most lasting vision of Hong Kong. A mermaid, hands trailing in the water as she stares towards the morning sky smiling. Funny that one can so belong in the oceans and the mountains at the same time. If you rise high enough i guess you pierce heaven so that the waters may rain down. My last vision of Hong Kong, a very good one.